last day of 2006

well, it's quite a meaningful year for me. =) jc life is so different and so much more demanding, if not for anything else. it feels short, probably because many things are happening simultaneously or abt the same time. many many things. pw took up most of free time that i had plus canoeing trgs and the multiple tests we are bombarded with along the way.grrrr. well well. promos not that bad, considering. but in less than one year, we're taking a NATIONAL exam! argh! panic panic! haah..yeah, we just have to go through that. I'm wondering how the j2s manage it you know? they all look so pro.

yesterday our seniors came down and they rowed with us. * smiles* i like the feeling of us rowing with again. i feel like a junior once more. it's getting scary seriously coz the k2s are like getting so fast! omg! cannot cannot, must work doubly hard next trg. hope i can survive through the whole lap without having to stop! hee.

sigh, there's so much to reflect about but i'm too lazy to type. too much, seriously too much. sigh. ok then, shall continue with my hw now. seeya.

a first

i'm in quite an unpleasant mood today. i haven't been there for some time and now, i've lost all sense of belonging there. My batch mates are all from choir presently so they've got songs to sing, new things to talk about and i, just stand by quietly. there is a visible gap between them and the present me. I admit that i've changed. I liked the company though, the thought of being with choir people again makes me happy. that is one of the reasons why i agreed to come for the event. Thousands of mixed feelings just surged through me. maybe i should have joined choir after all? was the decision i once thought was right actually a right choice? i would never be able to be that old self again, however hard i try. As i stepped into the music room, i was happy yet the feeling was different.

somehow, a lone soul out at the corner of the room just wanted to sing choir songs once again, with the stba sections. but this is not your day! u cannot do whatever you want! that's all that restrains that lone soul back. close friends just suddenly appeared distant and unfamiliar as this person remained silent and deep down-depressed. Depressed at the thought that everything that happened here, those things that she had once treasured so much is HISTORY. Loniness has hit this person hard in the heart. it was painful but nothing was said. she was like a volcano. She may stay silent for a long time or may just erupt anytime soon.

Why is it that she's feeling so blue? the programmes were great, entertaining and everything. She did have friends with her, she saw ppl whom she wanted to see. BUT the main thing was, the feeling is not there anymore. a sense of belonging, the feeling of being part of the choir, a feeling of being even accepted as an ex choir person. maybe i shld just let go of the past. maybe i shld just forget about it. maybe maybe.