a first

i'm in quite an unpleasant mood today. i haven't been there for some time and now, i've lost all sense of belonging there. My batch mates are all from choir presently so they've got songs to sing, new things to talk about and i, just stand by quietly. there is a visible gap between them and the present me. I admit that i've changed. I liked the company though, the thought of being with choir people again makes me happy. that is one of the reasons why i agreed to come for the event. Thousands of mixed feelings just surged through me. maybe i should have joined choir after all? was the decision i once thought was right actually a right choice? i would never be able to be that old self again, however hard i try. As i stepped into the music room, i was happy yet the feeling was different.

somehow, a lone soul out at the corner of the room just wanted to sing choir songs once again, with the stba sections. but this is not your day! u cannot do whatever you want! that's all that restrains that lone soul back. close friends just suddenly appeared distant and unfamiliar as this person remained silent and deep down-depressed. Depressed at the thought that everything that happened here, those things that she had once treasured so much is HISTORY. Loniness has hit this person hard in the heart. it was painful but nothing was said. she was like a volcano. She may stay silent for a long time or may just erupt anytime soon.

Why is it that she's feeling so blue? the programmes were great, entertaining and everything. She did have friends with her, she saw ppl whom she wanted to see. BUT the main thing was, the feeling is not there anymore. a sense of belonging, the feeling of being part of the choir, a feeling of being even accepted as an ex choir person. maybe i shld just let go of the past. maybe i shld just forget about it. maybe maybe.